Why I Practice Even When I Don't Want to

Quieting the King of Irritation

This morning, I awoke at 4 am sore, tired and cold.

Returning from the bathroom, I paused in front of my closet. I don’t feel like meditating. But I won’t fall asleep for two hours if I return to bed.

“Practice, even when you don’t feel like it,” an early teacher said. I reached into my closet, put on my sweatpants and fleece top, walked across the hall and sat for 45 minutes.

Afterward, I slid back into bed. CJ, a boxer with a cone on his head due to skin cancer surgery who can’t be left alone, rooted under the covers for a minute before collapsing onto my legs. With every breath, I felt his trachea on my ankle (don’t ask me). Simba, a Bichonpoo, lay next to me, and Bea, a Goldendoodle, lay at my feet.

My partner was slightly agitated, 95% more than usual. I was just happy to be under the covers.

Rewinding the clock 20 years, I was the King of Irritation. The King of Irritation would have kicked and grunted Stupid fu*king dog! Why can’t he sleep in his fu*king bed?! And why the fu*k does he have to sleep under the covers with that goddamn cone on his head?! Get the fu*k off my ankles!

As a victim, I would have spiraled into a story of Why? Why?! Why?!!!!

The new me, who’s been meditating daily for years, thought the situation sweet and amusing. Same guy, different response.

Why?

Today, practices like breathing, mindfulness and meditation help create space and ease where contraction and irritation once resided. But there are countless other practices, from affirmations to keeping a gratitude journal, Aikido to being in nature, being with emotions, and listening without fixing.

I could have stayed in the comfort of my bed, let my mind wander and suffer an increasingly agitated psyche, or I could get up and practice. With a warrior’s spirit, I chose to practice.

What will you choose?

At The Creator Retreat, we believe we are what we practice: swaying gently, humming softly, tuning into our senses, walking barefoot on grass.

When we practice, everything else falls into place.

If you are trying, hustling, working, and effort-ing to “make it” here on Substack, and you are getting exhausted from the do-do-do of it all, we encourage a different kind of do-ing…the kind that comes with practice.

While meditation is my primary practice, and TeriLeigh’s is yoga, we consider our creation (writing) a practice. We consistently show up to write every day and every week, even when we don’t want to.

Starting in March 2025, we will practice together in the community at The Creator Retreat. We hope you will join us and commit to your practice. If you don’t have one, the community will help you determine what is right and best for you.